Hard to be Alone
Of course, God is always with us. He never leaves us, nor forsakes us (Hebrews 13:5). But even God Himself said, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18).
I’m not talking about having a girlfriend or wife. Usually, when people sense this feeling of loneliness, that’s what they look for... without realizing that their need can be addressed some other way. A way that’s less dangerous and maybe less disastrous.
Having a girlfriend (or boyfriend, as the case may be) can be dangerous if the choosing of the girlfriend (or boyfriend) was not done properly. You may end up with an unsuitable partner, one that doesn’t address what you really need, one that you’ll end up always arguing with, one you’re very incompatible with, one that will only stunt your growth, or even bring you lower.
Trial and error isn’t a very good method for choosing your marriage partner… ‘cause the error part can be very painful… both for you, for the tried person, and the one you’ll be ending up with.
Thus the Christian saying: wait for the best. It’s a very sensible principle, similar to the marshmallow test, although in reality easier said than done.
But when you struggle in life, trying hard to follow that principle, you can sometimes feel the difficulties of loneliness.
When my last girlfriend left me, I had strived to wait for the right one. So far so good… until you check inside me.
I’ve been trying hard not to fall for a girl (which is what usually happened in the past), and in the process avoiding women to fall for me (I usually can’t resist that either).
Okay, that sounded arrogant. But, it’s true. Hope I’m not sounding too egotistical, but my not having a girlfriend right now is by choice. I’m not saying I’m that good-looking (although oddly enough, some say so… not my fault they have a couple of screws loose… I think it has more to do with my personality… and maybe character). What I’m meaning to say is that there are some women that actually “like” me… many of them actually really good-looking (and that’s very hard to resist!… not to say that’s important though) and pretty nice. What I’m saying is I wouldn’t mind being related to these people (if you know what I mean). But I have to look at the long run. It’s a lifetime partner we’re talking about here! There are too many things to consider, looks hardly cut it. Are we good for each other, can we help one another grow, among so many other things (that I may discuss another time…). You have to really, really know someone very, very well before you can be remotely certain. And that takes time. A really long time. Years, even. And although I’m willing to wait for the right person for that long, it’s hard to bear with being alone.
It’s not just the feeling of being alone I’m talking about. It’s about having someone you know you can talk to anytime about anything and know that the person will understand, not judge, and weed the chaff from the wheat. Someone you can be with when you feel you want to be with somebody, doing whatever, having fun (and in my case, being silly with). Someone who looks out for your well-being and cares about you on a day-to-day basis, and someone you can care for yourself. Someone to share your thoughts, ideas, time and life with.
I bet when you were reading that last paragraph, you thought I was talking about a girlfriend (or boyfriend), thus contradicting myself. Yes, that does apply to that, but it doesn’t only apply to that.
Something I realized; when my last girlfriend left me, I didn’t just lose my girlfriend (I could deal with that). I also lost my buddy.
When she asked me (through text messaging) if I already had a girlfriend, I told her no, I wasn’t looking for one, but what I needed was a buddy.
A buddy. See, a buddy can address that being alone problem I’ve been talking about. A buddy doesn’t even have to be from the other gender (that usually makes things safer).
Hoping not to sound conceited again, I do have my fair share of “admirers”, maybe more than my fair share. Some people would be envious. It’s a great fantasy. But when you have it, you realize it’s not that great. As a Christian, I don’t want to take advantage of them, sharking them, for their own good. So, then, what benefit is it. It’s not like they’re lining up to be friends with me. Maybe they “fantasize” about it, but typically they admire from afar. And in the end, I still end up alone. Sure there are some who talk with me, and I enjoy the company, but I can’t make them my buddy ‘cause they have “something else in mind”. And I wouldn’t want to lead them on just to disappoint them later on (as a Christian). And again, I still end up alone.
It can be hard doing the right thing. The Bible never said it would be easy.
Some people oversimplify by saying what a person like me needs is God. I know God is more than enough, but like I said from the beginning, even God said man shouldn’t be alone. Some would also say what I need is ministry, something to occupy my time and mind, to redirect my energy, sublimate, if you will, but eventually, even that wears on you if you don’t have a buddy.
Psychiatrists have said that people don’t need a shrink if they have a friend they can always talk to.
The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
I’m not at all saying that it is impossible for a person to live alone. Surely, that is thinkable. But as the Bible describes it, pity that man. God made Eve for Adam. People were made to be with people. Is it any wonder that one of the harshest punishments is solitary seclusion?
Of course, anybody just won’t do. Just like in choosing a marriage partner, there are some things to consider. Your buddy has to be somebody you can trust, preferably somebody you can easily relate to, accessible and willing to be accessed, enjoys your friendship as much as he or she enjoys yours, among other things. At least the standards are a lot lower for choosing a buddy as compared to choosing a marriage partner.
If your buddy was from the other gender, it would be better if there was a mutual understanding that what’s between is all there is. Actually, that would be a necessity. If something else comes from it, so be it. But what’s important is that don’t expect it. Lest you be disappointed. ‘Cause, like I said, the standards for choosing a buddy are lower, and a person who may pass as your buddy may not pass as your marriage partner ‘cause the standards are higher because the situations are certainly different. A few years can’t be compared to a lifetime.
I know someone who has a buddy that is such a great friend to her. It's just awesome how they can still stick together through the hardest times. They quarrel at times, but they’re still together.
If you have a buddy, you have one of the greatest blessings in the world. Can’t get that with money. Be sure to cherish that person as one of your dearest treasures. You’re blessed to have that person.
If you don’t have one, I’m not saying you devote your life looking for one. Sure, pray that God blesses you with one, but don’t devote more than a reasonable amount of time for it. God is still more than enough.
As for me, I can hold on for now. I’m confident in God’s personal promises to myself.
(Originally written: 2001, November 5, 6:08 pm)
- A. L. E. -
I’m not talking about having a girlfriend or wife. Usually, when people sense this feeling of loneliness, that’s what they look for... without realizing that their need can be addressed some other way. A way that’s less dangerous and maybe less disastrous.
Having a girlfriend (or boyfriend, as the case may be) can be dangerous if the choosing of the girlfriend (or boyfriend) was not done properly. You may end up with an unsuitable partner, one that doesn’t address what you really need, one that you’ll end up always arguing with, one you’re very incompatible with, one that will only stunt your growth, or even bring you lower.
Trial and error isn’t a very good method for choosing your marriage partner… ‘cause the error part can be very painful… both for you, for the tried person, and the one you’ll be ending up with.
Thus the Christian saying: wait for the best. It’s a very sensible principle, similar to the marshmallow test, although in reality easier said than done.
But when you struggle in life, trying hard to follow that principle, you can sometimes feel the difficulties of loneliness.
When my last girlfriend left me, I had strived to wait for the right one. So far so good… until you check inside me.
I’ve been trying hard not to fall for a girl (which is what usually happened in the past), and in the process avoiding women to fall for me (I usually can’t resist that either).
Okay, that sounded arrogant. But, it’s true. Hope I’m not sounding too egotistical, but my not having a girlfriend right now is by choice. I’m not saying I’m that good-looking (although oddly enough, some say so… not my fault they have a couple of screws loose… I think it has more to do with my personality… and maybe character). What I’m meaning to say is that there are some women that actually “like” me… many of them actually really good-looking (and that’s very hard to resist!… not to say that’s important though) and pretty nice. What I’m saying is I wouldn’t mind being related to these people (if you know what I mean). But I have to look at the long run. It’s a lifetime partner we’re talking about here! There are too many things to consider, looks hardly cut it. Are we good for each other, can we help one another grow, among so many other things (that I may discuss another time…). You have to really, really know someone very, very well before you can be remotely certain. And that takes time. A really long time. Years, even. And although I’m willing to wait for the right person for that long, it’s hard to bear with being alone.
It’s not just the feeling of being alone I’m talking about. It’s about having someone you know you can talk to anytime about anything and know that the person will understand, not judge, and weed the chaff from the wheat. Someone you can be with when you feel you want to be with somebody, doing whatever, having fun (and in my case, being silly with). Someone who looks out for your well-being and cares about you on a day-to-day basis, and someone you can care for yourself. Someone to share your thoughts, ideas, time and life with.
I bet when you were reading that last paragraph, you thought I was talking about a girlfriend (or boyfriend), thus contradicting myself. Yes, that does apply to that, but it doesn’t only apply to that.
Something I realized; when my last girlfriend left me, I didn’t just lose my girlfriend (I could deal with that). I also lost my buddy.
When she asked me (through text messaging) if I already had a girlfriend, I told her no, I wasn’t looking for one, but what I needed was a buddy.
A buddy. See, a buddy can address that being alone problem I’ve been talking about. A buddy doesn’t even have to be from the other gender (that usually makes things safer).
Hoping not to sound conceited again, I do have my fair share of “admirers”, maybe more than my fair share. Some people would be envious. It’s a great fantasy. But when you have it, you realize it’s not that great. As a Christian, I don’t want to take advantage of them, sharking them, for their own good. So, then, what benefit is it. It’s not like they’re lining up to be friends with me. Maybe they “fantasize” about it, but typically they admire from afar. And in the end, I still end up alone. Sure there are some who talk with me, and I enjoy the company, but I can’t make them my buddy ‘cause they have “something else in mind”. And I wouldn’t want to lead them on just to disappoint them later on (as a Christian). And again, I still end up alone.
It can be hard doing the right thing. The Bible never said it would be easy.
Some people oversimplify by saying what a person like me needs is God. I know God is more than enough, but like I said from the beginning, even God said man shouldn’t be alone. Some would also say what I need is ministry, something to occupy my time and mind, to redirect my energy, sublimate, if you will, but eventually, even that wears on you if you don’t have a buddy.
Psychiatrists have said that people don’t need a shrink if they have a friend they can always talk to.
The Bible says in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
I’m not at all saying that it is impossible for a person to live alone. Surely, that is thinkable. But as the Bible describes it, pity that man. God made Eve for Adam. People were made to be with people. Is it any wonder that one of the harshest punishments is solitary seclusion?
Of course, anybody just won’t do. Just like in choosing a marriage partner, there are some things to consider. Your buddy has to be somebody you can trust, preferably somebody you can easily relate to, accessible and willing to be accessed, enjoys your friendship as much as he or she enjoys yours, among other things. At least the standards are a lot lower for choosing a buddy as compared to choosing a marriage partner.
If your buddy was from the other gender, it would be better if there was a mutual understanding that what’s between is all there is. Actually, that would be a necessity. If something else comes from it, so be it. But what’s important is that don’t expect it. Lest you be disappointed. ‘Cause, like I said, the standards for choosing a buddy are lower, and a person who may pass as your buddy may not pass as your marriage partner ‘cause the standards are higher because the situations are certainly different. A few years can’t be compared to a lifetime.
I know someone who has a buddy that is such a great friend to her. It's just awesome how they can still stick together through the hardest times. They quarrel at times, but they’re still together.
If you have a buddy, you have one of the greatest blessings in the world. Can’t get that with money. Be sure to cherish that person as one of your dearest treasures. You’re blessed to have that person.
If you don’t have one, I’m not saying you devote your life looking for one. Sure, pray that God blesses you with one, but don’t devote more than a reasonable amount of time for it. God is still more than enough.
As for me, I can hold on for now. I’m confident in God’s personal promises to myself.
(Originally written: 2001, November 5, 6:08 pm)
- A. L. E. -
