How Do I Live Without You
I was riding in a passenger jeepney that very early morning. I was running late for an early morning talk show that I then anchored at a local radio station.
I started as a co-host, and was eventually entrusted to anchor the show. Our group hosted the show one hour a day, three times a week, once a month. We were tasked with the not so easy assignment of discussing current events in the light of God’s Word.
I’m not sure if I was still in college, or if I was already teaching then. You see, I did the show during both seasons of my life. Either way, I was pretty busy. I was taking a very difficult quota course at a “State University” during college, not to mention the other ministry works I did. When I graduated, I still had my ministry work, coupled with teaching at Colleges, sometimes three to four Colleges at a time. My radio ministry was another service to the Lord.
I and my lone co-host for that morning had previously discussed what we were going to be talking about for that show. If everything had gone according to plan, things would have flowed smoothly. But that was not the case.
As a college student, I avoided taking early morning classes, and continued to do that when I had the option of scheduling the classes I was going to teach. As an insomniac, it is very difficult to dictate to my body what time I am to sleep, so imagine the difficulty of having to wake up very early after a night of tossing and turning, dragging your half-asleep body, and then attend a lecture, teach a class, or anchor a talk show, where, of course, you cannot display any amount of sleep-deprivation. Not to forget to mention that you had other things to do for the rest of the day.
Since I am not rich enough to own my own vehicle, public transport had almost always been my means. If I had my own car, I may have arrived at the station earlier. But that wasn’t an option.
Although I am quite familiar with how horrendous the traffic is where I live, I recall that the traffic was worse than usual that fateful day. Indeed, I was running late, and I can imagine how disappointed the leaders of our church would be if they tuned in on the show and found that I was not there. Not to forget to mention the problem it would cause to my lone co-host.
I so wanted to rush to get there, but there was nothing I could do. I was at the mercy of traffic. No wonder I can easily relate to the contestants of the Amazing Race.
So I sat tortured at my seat, watching time pass by, knowing that the show is already starting without me. And I wasn’t even close yet.
Though the specific facts of that fateful day are a bit hazy to me, this much I remember. I recall the bitterness that had stirred in my heart, despising fate and circumstance that had brought me to such a stressful, annoying and miserable predicament. There were so many if’s. I had been telling myself, if the traffic wasn’t so heavy; maybe if I had enough time to sleep… I questioned myself, why do I even subject myself to this? I don’t have to. Why do I invest so much time in ministry when I could be off just having the time of my life, sleeping as late as I want to, doing whatever with no responsibilities! Almost everybody does that! I would redeem so much of my time! So much of my life! Do you know what I could do with that?! And I have so much to do!
And as I pondered the possibilities, my heart tipped to failing. My soul wanted to cry. It was overcast. That’s when my heart started to sing that song originally made popular by Trisha Yearwood, “How do I live without you…”
Yes, my heart was crying out to God. “How do I live without you, I want to know, how do I breathe without you, if you ever go, how do I ever, ever survive? How do I, [Lord,] how do I live.”
Yes, service to the Lord did subject me to a multitude of trouble. But if I left the Lord, where would I be? What would my life be like? No, this trouble is certainly well worth it, because if I would turn away from the Lord, where would I go? What would I do? Who would I be? Nothing. And no amount of happiness, ease or comfort the world has to offer is worth it.
After silently seeking forgiveness from the Lord, I eventually arrived at my destination. The show was about half over, but I sat behind my co-host’s microphone that morning and with my apologies, we went on with the show.
After the show, the person assisting us with the technical side of airing the show gave us a few words about the show. I was later to understand what this meant when one of our Pastors spoke with me regarding that show. She said very amicably that I should really avoid any incidence of tardiness again because I was the anchor. She said that when my co-host took over, he made so many mistakes, even so much as giving the wrong station ID. It was nice to be needed.
So I anchored the show a couple more months. Years after, the show was replaced.
No matter how difficult serving the Lord becomes, no matter how embarrassing, how troublesome, how vulnerable it makes you become, there is no better option of living life than living life for Him, speaking His truth, praising His name, doing His will.
“From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.
“You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve.
Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go?”… ”
(John 6:66-68)
“Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.”
(Psalm 73:25)
(Originally written: 2005, March 26, 9:24 pm)
-A.L.E.-
I started as a co-host, and was eventually entrusted to anchor the show. Our group hosted the show one hour a day, three times a week, once a month. We were tasked with the not so easy assignment of discussing current events in the light of God’s Word.
I’m not sure if I was still in college, or if I was already teaching then. You see, I did the show during both seasons of my life. Either way, I was pretty busy. I was taking a very difficult quota course at a “State University” during college, not to mention the other ministry works I did. When I graduated, I still had my ministry work, coupled with teaching at Colleges, sometimes three to four Colleges at a time. My radio ministry was another service to the Lord.
I and my lone co-host for that morning had previously discussed what we were going to be talking about for that show. If everything had gone according to plan, things would have flowed smoothly. But that was not the case.
As a college student, I avoided taking early morning classes, and continued to do that when I had the option of scheduling the classes I was going to teach. As an insomniac, it is very difficult to dictate to my body what time I am to sleep, so imagine the difficulty of having to wake up very early after a night of tossing and turning, dragging your half-asleep body, and then attend a lecture, teach a class, or anchor a talk show, where, of course, you cannot display any amount of sleep-deprivation. Not to forget to mention that you had other things to do for the rest of the day.
Since I am not rich enough to own my own vehicle, public transport had almost always been my means. If I had my own car, I may have arrived at the station earlier. But that wasn’t an option.
Although I am quite familiar with how horrendous the traffic is where I live, I recall that the traffic was worse than usual that fateful day. Indeed, I was running late, and I can imagine how disappointed the leaders of our church would be if they tuned in on the show and found that I was not there. Not to forget to mention the problem it would cause to my lone co-host.
I so wanted to rush to get there, but there was nothing I could do. I was at the mercy of traffic. No wonder I can easily relate to the contestants of the Amazing Race.
So I sat tortured at my seat, watching time pass by, knowing that the show is already starting without me. And I wasn’t even close yet.
Though the specific facts of that fateful day are a bit hazy to me, this much I remember. I recall the bitterness that had stirred in my heart, despising fate and circumstance that had brought me to such a stressful, annoying and miserable predicament. There were so many if’s. I had been telling myself, if the traffic wasn’t so heavy; maybe if I had enough time to sleep… I questioned myself, why do I even subject myself to this? I don’t have to. Why do I invest so much time in ministry when I could be off just having the time of my life, sleeping as late as I want to, doing whatever with no responsibilities! Almost everybody does that! I would redeem so much of my time! So much of my life! Do you know what I could do with that?! And I have so much to do!
And as I pondered the possibilities, my heart tipped to failing. My soul wanted to cry. It was overcast. That’s when my heart started to sing that song originally made popular by Trisha Yearwood, “How do I live without you…”
Yes, my heart was crying out to God. “How do I live without you, I want to know, how do I breathe without you, if you ever go, how do I ever, ever survive? How do I, [Lord,] how do I live.”
Yes, service to the Lord did subject me to a multitude of trouble. But if I left the Lord, where would I be? What would my life be like? No, this trouble is certainly well worth it, because if I would turn away from the Lord, where would I go? What would I do? Who would I be? Nothing. And no amount of happiness, ease or comfort the world has to offer is worth it.
After silently seeking forgiveness from the Lord, I eventually arrived at my destination. The show was about half over, but I sat behind my co-host’s microphone that morning and with my apologies, we went on with the show.
After the show, the person assisting us with the technical side of airing the show gave us a few words about the show. I was later to understand what this meant when one of our Pastors spoke with me regarding that show. She said very amicably that I should really avoid any incidence of tardiness again because I was the anchor. She said that when my co-host took over, he made so many mistakes, even so much as giving the wrong station ID. It was nice to be needed.
So I anchored the show a couple more months. Years after, the show was replaced.
No matter how difficult serving the Lord becomes, no matter how embarrassing, how troublesome, how vulnerable it makes you become, there is no better option of living life than living life for Him, speaking His truth, praising His name, doing His will.
“From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.
“You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve.
Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go?”… ”
(John 6:66-68)
“Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.”
(Psalm 73:25)
(Originally written: 2005, March 26, 9:24 pm)
-A.L.E.-
