Excuses, Excuses
As a teacher, I’ve heard this story many times: Students well underperform in their studies; they don’t study very hard anymore; they have no passion for learning nor getting good grades; they would rather party and have a good time. Their reason: problems at home.
I’m not saying problems at home are nothing. I should know. But to use that as an excuse to mope or underperform is not necessarily acceptable. Some will say their actions are a form of escapism or some other coping mechanism. To put it bluntly, sometimes their situation is just an excuse. It’s a reason. But it’s not a valid reason.
Again, I am not dismissing the severity of the impact of home problems on a child, nor the severity of your own problems. But to use this as one’s reason to fail is not valid.
I was pleased at the forthrightness of my coteacher while we were talking about this. She said she too was the product of a broken home, and yet she turned out fine. She finished her studies, and is finishing her Masters at the time of this writing. She’s pretty normal, maybe even above average in terms of accomplishments.
My point is, people can succeed even if there are these hindrances, my first example being family problems. Now, if you’re gonna say I have no right to talk about it, well, I do. My parents have been separated since I was very young. They have been arguing since I was in elementary and I know what it’s like to live in a very troubled home. I’m not going to give too many details of my harrowing childhood, but my point is, despite all this, I graduated elementary and high school with several honors. I did not use it as an excuse to slack off, no, instead I took it as a challenge ‘cause I saw the need for me to succeed as I could not see my life turn around unless I did something about it. I did not wait for life to start giving me handouts; I bit the bullet and worked hard. When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. You deal with the cards dealt to you. (You may refer to my other article, The Cards You’re Dealt With )
I found that one of the more annoying descriptions about me is that I am rich, particularly by some of my peers when I was younger, because I am not, far from it, at least not yet anyway. I don’t dress up rich, far from it, actually I dress too simply, ever since. I think they assumed it because I would have expensive brand name rubber shoes which were actually just sent to me by my grandmother in the U.S. while she was still alive. That, and although I try to downplay many things about me, one thing I can’t change is my skin color or tone, and the manner in which I conduct myself, which are stuff they may relate to the more affluent. I find that description annoying because sometimes they would say that I am able to achieve the things that I have achieved because I have money. Which is unfair because I didn’t. Eventually, I did, after I graduated anyway, I had enough money for myself. Which fueled that belief by some of my peers. Yeah, I had money to do what I wanted that time, but that was because I would teach in three, at times even four colleges at the same time (it was a matter of scheduling) while they were so picky that they didn’t even have jobs at the time (I would always say, no matter how low, a decent job is better than no job). I wouldn’t have even been able to graduate if my tuition fee for high school was extremely cheap, and so was the College I went to, since it was essentially a State University. So it is so unfair if people will say that I got to where I got because I had stuff they didn’t. Sometimes their current position in life is just used as an excuse to slack off and underachieve.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I love both my mother and my father, but there was a time when my Dad just wanted me to stop studying. I was a freshman in College, just going to my second semester when my Dad ripped my Registration Form as he told me to work instead. Not willing to waste a golden opportunity, considering the University I went to was the premiere University of our country where others could only dream of getting into, and knowing that I had enough skills and mental ability to graduate College, I left my Dad’s house that day and, if I remember correctly, that was the time I asked to stay in a few of my Christian brothers’ boarding house for the night. I would eventually stay with my Mom while I worked as a Student Assistant for a meager wage. I humblingly asked for another copy of my Registration Form as I simply told the Registrar’s Office that the first one I got, which was the pre-completed, computerized one, got destroyed (“nasira”, which sounds more acceptable in my native Filipino language), so I had to do a run-around in our huge campus, to complete my Reg. Form manually, and although my Tuition Fee was greatly subsidized by the government via the program called STFAP, I still didn’t have enough money to pay for it, so I went through another somewhat lengthy process of getting a Student Loan, which I was able to pay within the semester through my work as a Student Assistant and later my Mom.
My point in telling that one story is that it wasn’t easy for me to get where I have gotten. Although I may not be at the point where I can say that I have attained absolute success yet, as the world would define it, I can say that I am pretty successful as compared to my past. The bottomline is that problems and situations that occur in your life are not valid reasons to fail. Many people who say that they fail because of this and that are talking as if they are the only ones who have ever had problems. Many people have had problems, I assume everybody does, many have problems worse than yours, and yet they succeed. They do not use their situations as an excuse to fail. One of my favorite postsecret messages reads: “I was molested as a child and I never used that as an excuse to hurt anyone!”
Sometimes when we find out an unfortunate event happened to someone, we are expected to accept that persons failings and shortcomings and the like. To a certain degree, yes, but then again such grace should not be limited to when unfortunate events occur. Definitely, that person undergoing such a situation should be loved and understood and the like, but again, that should not be limited to those who are undergoing these things. There was a time when a sister in the Lord who was under my care was in a downward spiral. I spoke to a brother in the Lord who was responsible for both of us as I sought suggestions to strengthen this sister rather than coddle her. He told me to essentially just let her be as she was having family problems. I said I’ve had family problems since I was a child and I was able to handle it, how much more her who is encountering such problems at a later age. He said I should consider that females are weaker than men, but my point is there are lots of women who have also encountered and overcome such, even worse, situations. Gender is not a valid excuse. Take care and love everyone, regardless of what they are undergoing, but to indulge in a person’s pity party is not necessarily helpful to that person. It is like saying to that person, “stay in your tomb, stay in your sufferings and your anguish.” No! We should say, rise up from your tomb, overcome this, others have, and you can too. Do not think that this is the end of the road. We all have bumps. We take it in stride. And we continue with our journey. We will have more bumps along the way. But we can still succeed regardless of how innumerable the bumps in our roads are. Do not be deceived, it is the devil’s lie. You can get through it. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t even physically cry about it, but after the tears, know that you can get through it.
I close with a verse that speaks of not only temptation as man would normally think of, but also speaks of the temptation to wallow in the sadness of your situations, becoming unproductive and unsuccessful. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. You have problems. Almost everybody does. Many have problems much worse than yours. They deal with it. They succeed. Do not believe the devil’s lie that you are weak. God is faithful. God would not have allowed it in your life if you couldn’t handle it. You will not be tempted beyond what you can bear. You will not be subjected to overwhelming sadness or problems more than you can handle. If it was given to you, it means you can handle it. Rise above the situation. You can handle it. You are stronger than that. Maybe you don’t know it yet. But you are stronger than what you may think. You can still succeed. You can overcome these situations. Others have. So can you.
- A. L. E. -
(Originally written: 2006, May 1, 3:58 pm)
I’m not saying problems at home are nothing. I should know. But to use that as an excuse to mope or underperform is not necessarily acceptable. Some will say their actions are a form of escapism or some other coping mechanism. To put it bluntly, sometimes their situation is just an excuse. It’s a reason. But it’s not a valid reason.
Again, I am not dismissing the severity of the impact of home problems on a child, nor the severity of your own problems. But to use this as one’s reason to fail is not valid.
I was pleased at the forthrightness of my coteacher while we were talking about this. She said she too was the product of a broken home, and yet she turned out fine. She finished her studies, and is finishing her Masters at the time of this writing. She’s pretty normal, maybe even above average in terms of accomplishments.
My point is, people can succeed even if there are these hindrances, my first example being family problems. Now, if you’re gonna say I have no right to talk about it, well, I do. My parents have been separated since I was very young. They have been arguing since I was in elementary and I know what it’s like to live in a very troubled home. I’m not going to give too many details of my harrowing childhood, but my point is, despite all this, I graduated elementary and high school with several honors. I did not use it as an excuse to slack off, no, instead I took it as a challenge ‘cause I saw the need for me to succeed as I could not see my life turn around unless I did something about it. I did not wait for life to start giving me handouts; I bit the bullet and worked hard. When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. You deal with the cards dealt to you. (You may refer to my other article, The Cards You’re Dealt With )
I found that one of the more annoying descriptions about me is that I am rich, particularly by some of my peers when I was younger, because I am not, far from it, at least not yet anyway. I don’t dress up rich, far from it, actually I dress too simply, ever since. I think they assumed it because I would have expensive brand name rubber shoes which were actually just sent to me by my grandmother in the U.S. while she was still alive. That, and although I try to downplay many things about me, one thing I can’t change is my skin color or tone, and the manner in which I conduct myself, which are stuff they may relate to the more affluent. I find that description annoying because sometimes they would say that I am able to achieve the things that I have achieved because I have money. Which is unfair because I didn’t. Eventually, I did, after I graduated anyway, I had enough money for myself. Which fueled that belief by some of my peers. Yeah, I had money to do what I wanted that time, but that was because I would teach in three, at times even four colleges at the same time (it was a matter of scheduling) while they were so picky that they didn’t even have jobs at the time (I would always say, no matter how low, a decent job is better than no job). I wouldn’t have even been able to graduate if my tuition fee for high school was extremely cheap, and so was the College I went to, since it was essentially a State University. So it is so unfair if people will say that I got to where I got because I had stuff they didn’t. Sometimes their current position in life is just used as an excuse to slack off and underachieve.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I love both my mother and my father, but there was a time when my Dad just wanted me to stop studying. I was a freshman in College, just going to my second semester when my Dad ripped my Registration Form as he told me to work instead. Not willing to waste a golden opportunity, considering the University I went to was the premiere University of our country where others could only dream of getting into, and knowing that I had enough skills and mental ability to graduate College, I left my Dad’s house that day and, if I remember correctly, that was the time I asked to stay in a few of my Christian brothers’ boarding house for the night. I would eventually stay with my Mom while I worked as a Student Assistant for a meager wage. I humblingly asked for another copy of my Registration Form as I simply told the Registrar’s Office that the first one I got, which was the pre-completed, computerized one, got destroyed (“nasira”, which sounds more acceptable in my native Filipino language), so I had to do a run-around in our huge campus, to complete my Reg. Form manually, and although my Tuition Fee was greatly subsidized by the government via the program called STFAP, I still didn’t have enough money to pay for it, so I went through another somewhat lengthy process of getting a Student Loan, which I was able to pay within the semester through my work as a Student Assistant and later my Mom.
My point in telling that one story is that it wasn’t easy for me to get where I have gotten. Although I may not be at the point where I can say that I have attained absolute success yet, as the world would define it, I can say that I am pretty successful as compared to my past. The bottomline is that problems and situations that occur in your life are not valid reasons to fail. Many people who say that they fail because of this and that are talking as if they are the only ones who have ever had problems. Many people have had problems, I assume everybody does, many have problems worse than yours, and yet they succeed. They do not use their situations as an excuse to fail. One of my favorite postsecret messages reads: “I was molested as a child and I never used that as an excuse to hurt anyone!”
Sometimes when we find out an unfortunate event happened to someone, we are expected to accept that persons failings and shortcomings and the like. To a certain degree, yes, but then again such grace should not be limited to when unfortunate events occur. Definitely, that person undergoing such a situation should be loved and understood and the like, but again, that should not be limited to those who are undergoing these things. There was a time when a sister in the Lord who was under my care was in a downward spiral. I spoke to a brother in the Lord who was responsible for both of us as I sought suggestions to strengthen this sister rather than coddle her. He told me to essentially just let her be as she was having family problems. I said I’ve had family problems since I was a child and I was able to handle it, how much more her who is encountering such problems at a later age. He said I should consider that females are weaker than men, but my point is there are lots of women who have also encountered and overcome such, even worse, situations. Gender is not a valid excuse. Take care and love everyone, regardless of what they are undergoing, but to indulge in a person’s pity party is not necessarily helpful to that person. It is like saying to that person, “stay in your tomb, stay in your sufferings and your anguish.” No! We should say, rise up from your tomb, overcome this, others have, and you can too. Do not think that this is the end of the road. We all have bumps. We take it in stride. And we continue with our journey. We will have more bumps along the way. But we can still succeed regardless of how innumerable the bumps in our roads are. Do not be deceived, it is the devil’s lie. You can get through it. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t even physically cry about it, but after the tears, know that you can get through it.
I close with a verse that speaks of not only temptation as man would normally think of, but also speaks of the temptation to wallow in the sadness of your situations, becoming unproductive and unsuccessful. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says, “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. You have problems. Almost everybody does. Many have problems much worse than yours. They deal with it. They succeed. Do not believe the devil’s lie that you are weak. God is faithful. God would not have allowed it in your life if you couldn’t handle it. You will not be tempted beyond what you can bear. You will not be subjected to overwhelming sadness or problems more than you can handle. If it was given to you, it means you can handle it. Rise above the situation. You can handle it. You are stronger than that. Maybe you don’t know it yet. But you are stronger than what you may think. You can still succeed. You can overcome these situations. Others have. So can you.
- A. L. E. -
(Originally written: 2006, May 1, 3:58 pm)
