Men are from Earth, Women are from Earth
Duh.
The title is, of course, a play on the popular phrase and title of a series of publications by John Gray, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. I hate those publications. They are unbiblical, baseless, culture-bound and promote stereotypes. Allow me to explain.
First off, people assume that John Gray has authority to speak on the subject matter because he’s a “doctor” in Psychology. The truth is, simple research would show, that he got his diploma from Columbia Pacific University, actually just an online “University” (the initials CPU should have hinted that), which was scrutinized as a diploma mill, and was eventually forced to shut down. Anyone with enough money could get a degree; there was even a case when a degree was granted to one of their students when no one on their staff actually spoke the language the student used on the student’s paper. The term nonreputable degree from a nonreputable university is an understatement.
So he had no authority to speak on the subject matter; there is no proof that he’s a true expert on the subject matter, but what’s worse is that there is no proof that any study was actually conducted to come up with the things that he says. There is no research, no real study, not even a survey that is presented where he based what he is saying. He just wrote what he thought and what he observed. In it of itself, there may be nothing wrong with doing that, if people didn’t follow what he said as if it was proven to be fact. So what he’s saying are advice that is based only on his opinion based only on his observations. And therein lies another problem.
His teachings are culture-bound. His words may be true for some people, but not for all people. It may even be true for most Americans (I doubt it), but would not be true for other cultures. What I hated most about his teachings is that he decisively says women have certain absolute traits, and men have certain absolute traits too. When I was reading his descriptions on how women operate, on how women think and behave, I said to myself many times, I’m like that too! And I’m a guy, and so straight, other men may be jealous. And when I read his descriptions of how men are, I said to myself, I’m not like this! Does that make me gay? Not at all! (Read my next article, to be posted next.) So what I hate about it also is that he promotes stereotypes; that men are supposed to be a certain way while women are supposed to be a certain way, and that each gender has to adjust to the other because that is how they normally work. For example, he describes men as people who withdraw when they have problems, while women naturally look for company, so when a man has a problem, and a woman nags them to tell them what it is, she is asking a man to counter what is natural to a man, so whenever a man has a problem, women should leave them alone (and far be it for a woman to ask a man to counter what a man is feeling, oh no, that would be so wrong!... I sure hope you know I’m being sarcastic). I do not act that way. When I have a problem, I look for someone to hang out with. If my girlfriend (if I had one) would leave me alone when I had a problem, I’d be more frustrated! Be with me, don’t leave me! So by his words, I act like a girl, and I would be abnormal. But how exactly did he come up with those, and who in the world is he to declare such things anyway! Culture-bound stereotypes have offended not only me, but many people who have encountered his books. I saw a website dedicated against his teachings, setup by women who have found John Gray and his writings misogynistic (woman-hating), relegating women to only one type, and expecting women to adjust to men’s tendencies, even if they’re not really natural tendencies (as Gray has concluded), and even vice-versa. If there’s a bad habit your partner is doing, then always adjust to it because it’s natural for your partner to be that, rather than correcting that person. Again, I was sarcastic; accept nuisances when they’re not truly bad, but if they’re really a problem, then it should be confronted and solved, and not merely accepted because someone says it’s normal.
Men aren’t a certain way, while women are another. The advice Gray gives to men to deal with women can also be applied to men, and the advice to women on how to deal with men can also be applied to women. And sometimes, his advice won’t work on a person at all, simply because the person is different from the prescribed stereotype. And we are all different.
What I hated most is that so many people have accepted Gray’s words as if they were Gospel truth, worse, people from churches I have been in, and I was even being taught to accept it as fact. As I said earlier, they are baseless, culture-bound, stereotypical, and worse, unbiblical. There is nothing in the Bible that would show that any of his words are true.
The Bible states only two differences between a man and a woman, physiology, and authority. Obviously, they are physically different, but how about authority? According to the Bible, a man has authority over his wife (Ephesians 5:22-33, which is why women should avoid marrying men who would abuse that, or one they are not willing to submit to). Authority is important, because an organization with no authority figure inevitably can become messed up, but discussing this here would digress too much. Apart from those, the Bible does not speak of the other things Gray mentions; the Bible does not say men think differently from women, the Bible does not say women behave differently from men, and after all the arguments I have given, I ask why anyone should believe any of the words Gray preaches.
Maybe you believe Gray’s words because they are true about you. Maybe they are true to Gray and his wife. It would be statistically impossible if they were never true to anyone. But just because it’s true about you, doesn’t mean it’s true about everyone.
We are the same, men and women. Except for our bodies, and the authority given to men on their wives, there is no difference to men and women. Men do not think differently from women, women do not behave differently from men, but rather people think and behave differently from other people. We are all people, and we are all unique, and what makes us behave the way we do is not because of our gender. Many factors come in to play that mold us to why we do the things we do, and although gender may be one factor, it is not the only factor and it does not decisively dictate how a person will be. We accept one another for who we are, we learn who people are, and how they act and react, and we take the time to know this about each individual, rather than reading a canned publication that will give sweeping generalities simply based on gender that are not really true for everyone. Each individual is different, and gender-profiling is no better than racial profiling. We are not drones with only one mold based on our gender. And let’s not let one person with no credibility nor research tell us how things are.
We don’t always need to focus on our differences. We can focus on our similarities. We are all beings who need love, among many other things, who are nonetheless unique individuals.
- A. L. E. -
(Originally written: 2009, December 20, 3:53 pm)
The title is, of course, a play on the popular phrase and title of a series of publications by John Gray, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. I hate those publications. They are unbiblical, baseless, culture-bound and promote stereotypes. Allow me to explain.
First off, people assume that John Gray has authority to speak on the subject matter because he’s a “doctor” in Psychology. The truth is, simple research would show, that he got his diploma from Columbia Pacific University, actually just an online “University” (the initials CPU should have hinted that), which was scrutinized as a diploma mill, and was eventually forced to shut down. Anyone with enough money could get a degree; there was even a case when a degree was granted to one of their students when no one on their staff actually spoke the language the student used on the student’s paper. The term nonreputable degree from a nonreputable university is an understatement.
So he had no authority to speak on the subject matter; there is no proof that he’s a true expert on the subject matter, but what’s worse is that there is no proof that any study was actually conducted to come up with the things that he says. There is no research, no real study, not even a survey that is presented where he based what he is saying. He just wrote what he thought and what he observed. In it of itself, there may be nothing wrong with doing that, if people didn’t follow what he said as if it was proven to be fact. So what he’s saying are advice that is based only on his opinion based only on his observations. And therein lies another problem.
His teachings are culture-bound. His words may be true for some people, but not for all people. It may even be true for most Americans (I doubt it), but would not be true for other cultures. What I hated most about his teachings is that he decisively says women have certain absolute traits, and men have certain absolute traits too. When I was reading his descriptions on how women operate, on how women think and behave, I said to myself many times, I’m like that too! And I’m a guy, and so straight, other men may be jealous. And when I read his descriptions of how men are, I said to myself, I’m not like this! Does that make me gay? Not at all! (Read my next article, to be posted next.) So what I hate about it also is that he promotes stereotypes; that men are supposed to be a certain way while women are supposed to be a certain way, and that each gender has to adjust to the other because that is how they normally work. For example, he describes men as people who withdraw when they have problems, while women naturally look for company, so when a man has a problem, and a woman nags them to tell them what it is, she is asking a man to counter what is natural to a man, so whenever a man has a problem, women should leave them alone (and far be it for a woman to ask a man to counter what a man is feeling, oh no, that would be so wrong!... I sure hope you know I’m being sarcastic). I do not act that way. When I have a problem, I look for someone to hang out with. If my girlfriend (if I had one) would leave me alone when I had a problem, I’d be more frustrated! Be with me, don’t leave me! So by his words, I act like a girl, and I would be abnormal. But how exactly did he come up with those, and who in the world is he to declare such things anyway! Culture-bound stereotypes have offended not only me, but many people who have encountered his books. I saw a website dedicated against his teachings, setup by women who have found John Gray and his writings misogynistic (woman-hating), relegating women to only one type, and expecting women to adjust to men’s tendencies, even if they’re not really natural tendencies (as Gray has concluded), and even vice-versa. If there’s a bad habit your partner is doing, then always adjust to it because it’s natural for your partner to be that, rather than correcting that person. Again, I was sarcastic; accept nuisances when they’re not truly bad, but if they’re really a problem, then it should be confronted and solved, and not merely accepted because someone says it’s normal.
Men aren’t a certain way, while women are another. The advice Gray gives to men to deal with women can also be applied to men, and the advice to women on how to deal with men can also be applied to women. And sometimes, his advice won’t work on a person at all, simply because the person is different from the prescribed stereotype. And we are all different.
What I hated most is that so many people have accepted Gray’s words as if they were Gospel truth, worse, people from churches I have been in, and I was even being taught to accept it as fact. As I said earlier, they are baseless, culture-bound, stereotypical, and worse, unbiblical. There is nothing in the Bible that would show that any of his words are true.
The Bible states only two differences between a man and a woman, physiology, and authority. Obviously, they are physically different, but how about authority? According to the Bible, a man has authority over his wife (Ephesians 5:22-33, which is why women should avoid marrying men who would abuse that, or one they are not willing to submit to). Authority is important, because an organization with no authority figure inevitably can become messed up, but discussing this here would digress too much. Apart from those, the Bible does not speak of the other things Gray mentions; the Bible does not say men think differently from women, the Bible does not say women behave differently from men, and after all the arguments I have given, I ask why anyone should believe any of the words Gray preaches.
Maybe you believe Gray’s words because they are true about you. Maybe they are true to Gray and his wife. It would be statistically impossible if they were never true to anyone. But just because it’s true about you, doesn’t mean it’s true about everyone.
We are the same, men and women. Except for our bodies, and the authority given to men on their wives, there is no difference to men and women. Men do not think differently from women, women do not behave differently from men, but rather people think and behave differently from other people. We are all people, and we are all unique, and what makes us behave the way we do is not because of our gender. Many factors come in to play that mold us to why we do the things we do, and although gender may be one factor, it is not the only factor and it does not decisively dictate how a person will be. We accept one another for who we are, we learn who people are, and how they act and react, and we take the time to know this about each individual, rather than reading a canned publication that will give sweeping generalities simply based on gender that are not really true for everyone. Each individual is different, and gender-profiling is no better than racial profiling. We are not drones with only one mold based on our gender. And let’s not let one person with no credibility nor research tell us how things are.
We don’t always need to focus on our differences. We can focus on our similarities. We are all beings who need love, among many other things, who are nonetheless unique individuals.
- A. L. E. -
(Originally written: 2009, December 20, 3:53 pm)
